(via belyenochi)

There is something somber about
Reaching in the linen cupboard
For a towel marked pink
With fairies and princesses
Knowing that by the end
Of your shower
It will contain spills of red
From drying your body
Laced in new pink lines.
There is some serenity
In sitting on top the dirty clothes
Piled against the porcelain white
Tiled floor
Collecting thoughts from memories
Deciding which should be etched
In my diary for safe keeping
And which are better left
Floating in oblivion.

Good morning sunshine the world says hello! Puppies are opening their eyes :)

Some borderlines have a spending problem they say. Impulsivity they say. I say great taste in music and hopes for a good night. But that’s just my opinion.

Some borderlines have a spending problem they say. Impulsivity they say. I say great taste in music and hopes for a good night. But that’s just my opinion.

It’s ok to change my mind. It’s ok to not want to do something anymore. It’s ok. Hey so someone might get disappointed but what about you. Think about you. They will get over it. Stop beating yourself up. You don’t need to hurt yourself. You don’t need to feel sick. It’s ok.

Tonight I might actually put into practice some dbt. It’s time to stop taking the easy road. I might end up doing so, but at least I tried first. No more pretending. This is real and now and it’s ok to feel just don’t let it decide the outcome.

Starting something with the mindset “you will never be like them” or “you are not them” is a bad mindset to forge a new beginning on. I subconsciously drummed this into myself and now I am having the hardest time over coming it.

I want to let it go and I try and tell myself it’s ok and it gets better it will get easier move up and on but I can feel it scratching away at the back of mind and its so agonizing.

My legs are leaky and gross and I can’t be bothered. I can’t be bothered to try any more. I’m so exhausted. Both physically and mentally. And I don’t know what to do to make it stop. Where’s the marker on my diary card for tired. Where’s the space left for discouraged and disillusioned and hurt. Where’s the people when you need them most.

How can I keep doing this on my own. I just want to cry and cut and sleep and not exist. Because this world is too scary and this life is too hard.

What is drawing you in this direction?
I promise I’m poisonous,
You don’t want this.
How do I make you stop without having to say the words. Saying the words make me feel like an asshole. I don’t want to be that asshole. I only wanted to make friends. Just friends. Because I suck at that. I still suck at that. Obviously I suck at that.

I don’t want to date. I don’t want flowers. I don’t want to hold hands. I don’t want to kiss or touch or feel. I don’t want to feel. I feel enough already. And once I have somebody else I have the double worry. And I’m too self indulgent to want to worry about somebody else.

But then on the other hand you are so sweet and lovely and kind and I’ve not had that before. It’s only early days yet, but you could be different. And I want to feel like I’m wanted. I want cuddles and touches and safety.

I just don’t want it.

Just leave me alone to rot.